I don't really have a whole lot to say today. We didn't go to church because Konner is sick. He threw up last night and I thought maybe it was because he was crying in his sleep and choked. However, around 4am he threw up again and this morning he has had a low grade fever (between 100-101). I feel like I need to describe how I am feeling right now.
I feel like I have fallen to the end of my rope. I have tied a knot and am hanging on for dear life because I am not ready to give up, but there's a storm coming. The wind is starting to blow and I don't know how much longer I can hold on to the rope as it thrashes me back and forth.
Does that make sense to anyone? Do you understand the feeling that I am trying to depict?
I am about to go over to a friends house to talk out some of these feelings. I have been praying for a reprieve, a rest place from all of this mess and I keep feeling this pull towards this particular friend. I don't know if she is going to help me by teaching me something, or just by being supportive and holding me up. Whatever it is meant to happen will work out. All I know is, I haven't felt the spirit this strong prompting me in a long time. So I am going to listen to it and hope for the best...because having hope is about all I have left.
I know exactly how you feel. I have been there many times in the past twelve years dealing with Gage and his ADHD and mental illness. It's not easy to deal with, that feeling of there's nothing left to do or try and all that is left is hope.
ReplyDeleteBut hope isn't the only thing that should be left. There should also be faith. Faith that Jesus is always there for is and will help us get through our trials and tribulations. I'm not sure where, but somewhere in the Bible Jesus says that if you have the faith of a mustard seed you can move mountains. There is also a saying that says that God never gives you more than you can handle. There's nothing Biblical to back that up but I've found it to be true.
You know, when we pray, God might answer our prayers but not in the way he asked. He has his own plan for our lives and it isn't always the plan that we have.
So pray for guidance and have faith that God will see you through this, for this too will pass.
I also understand the frustration of not being able to go to church. We haven't been in 2 weeks. Yesterday Lily wokke up with a fever and runny nose. Week before that, she woke up in a bad mood and was whiney so I just didn't go. It seems we go to church for several weeks or months and then we miss several weeks or months. That is just the devil trying to keep us from going to church and renewing our faith and rejoicing with others.
I hope this doesn't sound as if I'm being preachy (consider my religious upbringing) but I'm hoping it comes across as love and encouragement.
Granny Sue
I hope you found more hope! :)
ReplyDeleteMynnette...I am pretty sure that you were the friend I was talking about!
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