This is a basic telling of my testimony. For those of you who are members of The Church, you will understand the orange words. For those of you who are not members but still would like to hear a little about my testimony in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I have made a few notes to explain things you may not understand. Those are the purple words! Anyway, I have had a pretty amazing week and I felt like I needed to get some of my testimony down on paper before I let it slip away again! I hope you enjoy and as always, thanks for reading!
When I first started investigating my church, (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) My missionaries gave me a copy of the October 2007 General Conference Ensign (The Ensign, is a monthly publiction my church does. It is just like any other magazine, only all the articles are wholesome, uplifting, and educational. We also have "The Friend" which is the same thing but for children and the "New Era" which is for young aduls.)( Twice a year all the leaders in our church get together and have a general conference. This is where we all substain the leaders of the church (substaining is basically like voting), the Mormon Tabernacle Choir performs hymns and all the leaders give "talks" which to protastants would be similar to sermons.)I didn't know a whole lot about the church yet but she wanted me to read and see how it made me feel. She knew I wouldn't understand everything in it and I could always ask questions but she wanted me to see if I would feel the spirit when I was learning from it. So I decided to give it a shot and I came across this article.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/mothers-who-know?lang=eng&query=mothers+know
I knew after I read it that I WANTED TO BE A MOTHER WHO KNEW! I didn't have a testimony yet but I knew that if developing my testimony would make me a mother who knew, then that is what I wanted to do. My missionaries always told me that I was special because I was so open to the gospel (This is referring to the renewed Gospel- including the old and new testament, The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Convenants and The Pearl of Great Price) and I so willingly accepted it. I didn't see it then but I see it now. Even when I started to develop a testimony and I knew I didn't know hardly anything yet but I did know that it felt right and that the spirit was guiding me to it so I was going to accept that the Spirit had witnessed to me of the truthfulness of the church and I would learn as I go. Even though I didn't know everything yet, I knew it didn't matter what else they would tell me because I already knew it was true and I would believe it!!! I knew that I could be happy no matter what.
The week before my baptism was like hell on Earth. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. Car troubles, bill troubles, sicknesses, fights with my husband, EVERYTHING!! And I am so blessed because I knew it was Satan attacking me. It was Satan trying to stop me from being happy! My missionaries told me I must have been really strong in the premortal World and said "You find a way to show it to me and I will accept it no matter what".
(The premortal world is where we, as Mormons, believe we lived with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ before we agreed to come to Earth and have a chance to get a body and learn and progreess through life.)Now I believe it. My missionaries told me that when some converts get ready to be baptized and all the bad things start happening, they take it as a sign from Heavenly Father that they shouldn't do it. I was SHOCKED!!! I never once doubted it. I never once thought it was Heavenly Father making all those bad things happen!!!! So I guess the missionaries were right and I told Christ as a spirit that I would accept it no matter what.
Throughout my 3 1/2 years in the church, I have gone through some of the biggest trials of my life and you know what??? I still didn't lose my testimony. For that I am so grateful! I have had some absolutely horrible trials over the last week and now that I am on the other side I can see that Heavenly Father and the spirit were with me the whole time. For years I have been praying for Heavenly Father to deal with a certain situation, for him to send someone to help, for him to show the other person the way and this last week I finally realized that Heavenly Father had been answering my prayers from the beginning and I was just holding myself back spiritually. There was a situation with Kyle that was making both of us unhappy and I thought that I could just try to hold tight to the rod and he would find it eventually too. I thought that Heavenly Father would show him the way or send someone that would show him the way. You know what I learned this week??? HEAVENLY FATHER ALREADY SENT KYLE THE HELP HE NEEDS!!! He sent Kyle his helpmeet, his partner,his companion and his friend to help him. Heavenly Father sent ME to help him and show him the way.
I was so caught up in holding myself back because I was afraid to get too far ahead of Kyle. I didn't want to feel like I had left him behind. I know now that it doesn't matter where we are on the ladder of life. We are all trying to climb this ladder that leads to exultation (We believe exultation is the ultimate goal of all Heavenly Father's children)and in the end we will all be there together, but right now, we CAN be on different levels. If I get to the point on the ladder where I am ready to go to the Temple before Kyle gets there, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong. It doesn't mean I abandoned him or left him behind. It doesn't mean that I cared more about myself than him. It doesn't mean that I am a better person that him. It only means that I am a faster learner. Nothing more than that.
(The Temple is where we go to make sacred convanents with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Every one recieves endowments, which are basically a deepening of eternal promise you made to Heavenly Father when you were baptised. When young men turn 19 they recieve their endowments in the temole before they prepare to serve a full time 2 year mission, females do the same at 21 if they are not already married. Couples who marry in the temple before they serve missions will go to the temple together. They will first take out individual endowments, then they will be sealed together for time and all eternity as husband and wife. If the couple already has children, the children come to the temple and are sealed to them too. Any children born after the temple ceromony are born into the convenant and therefor already sealed to their parents)
It has been such a huge relief after all the emotional turmoil has come to light in the last week for me to feel all these things again. I was convinced that I had lost sight of the spirit because of my depression, I felt like the depression had shut off the lights and that is why I felt like I was grappling around in the dark trying to find the rod again.(The rod is a Book of Mormon reference similar to the oil lamp in the dark of the bible) I realize now that depression didn't turn off the lights, I closed my eyes because I was depressed. Does that make sense?
I know that my Heavenly Father Loves me and that Jesus Christ is my Savior and he loved me so much that he paid the ultimate cost and gave His life for mine!!!! Isn't that AMAZING!!!! I know that this is the true church of Christ. I know that we have a living prophet on the Earth today. I know that the Book of Mormon is true and is in fact another testament of Jesus Christ. I know that one day Kyle and I will be able to go to the Temple together so that we can be sealed together with our children for time and all eternity. and you know what???? I CAN'T WAIT TO SPEND THE REST OF FOREVER WITH MY FAMILY!!!
I love you all so very much and I appreciate your support in my journey more than I ever could put into words and I am promising to try my best to pay it back 10 fold in service to others. I hope you have enjoyed hearing this story and that you love the article as much as I do!!
When I first started investigating my church, (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) My missionaries gave me a copy of the October 2007 General Conference Ensign (The Ensign, is a monthly publiction my church does. It is just like any other magazine, only all the articles are wholesome, uplifting, and educational. We also have "The Friend" which is the same thing but for children and the "New Era" which is for young aduls.)( Twice a year all the leaders in our church get together and have a general conference. This is where we all substain the leaders of the church (substaining is basically like voting), the Mormon Tabernacle Choir performs hymns and all the leaders give "talks" which to protastants would be similar to sermons.)I didn't know a whole lot about the church yet but she wanted me to read and see how it made me feel. She knew I wouldn't understand everything in it and I could always ask questions but she wanted me to see if I would feel the spirit when I was learning from it. So I decided to give it a shot and I came across this article.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/mothers-who-know?lang=eng&query=mothers+know
I knew after I read it that I WANTED TO BE A MOTHER WHO KNEW! I didn't have a testimony yet but I knew that if developing my testimony would make me a mother who knew, then that is what I wanted to do. My missionaries always told me that I was special because I was so open to the gospel (This is referring to the renewed Gospel- including the old and new testament, The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Convenants and The Pearl of Great Price) and I so willingly accepted it. I didn't see it then but I see it now. Even when I started to develop a testimony and I knew I didn't know hardly anything yet but I did know that it felt right and that the spirit was guiding me to it so I was going to accept that the Spirit had witnessed to me of the truthfulness of the church and I would learn as I go. Even though I didn't know everything yet, I knew it didn't matter what else they would tell me because I already knew it was true and I would believe it!!! I knew that I could be happy no matter what.
The week before my baptism was like hell on Earth. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. Car troubles, bill troubles, sicknesses, fights with my husband, EVERYTHING!! And I am so blessed because I knew it was Satan attacking me. It was Satan trying to stop me from being happy! My missionaries told me I must have been really strong in the premortal World and said "You find a way to show it to me and I will accept it no matter what".
(The premortal world is where we, as Mormons, believe we lived with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ before we agreed to come to Earth and have a chance to get a body and learn and progreess through life.)Now I believe it. My missionaries told me that when some converts get ready to be baptized and all the bad things start happening, they take it as a sign from Heavenly Father that they shouldn't do it. I was SHOCKED!!! I never once doubted it. I never once thought it was Heavenly Father making all those bad things happen!!!! So I guess the missionaries were right and I told Christ as a spirit that I would accept it no matter what.
Throughout my 3 1/2 years in the church, I have gone through some of the biggest trials of my life and you know what??? I still didn't lose my testimony. For that I am so grateful! I have had some absolutely horrible trials over the last week and now that I am on the other side I can see that Heavenly Father and the spirit were with me the whole time. For years I have been praying for Heavenly Father to deal with a certain situation, for him to send someone to help, for him to show the other person the way and this last week I finally realized that Heavenly Father had been answering my prayers from the beginning and I was just holding myself back spiritually. There was a situation with Kyle that was making both of us unhappy and I thought that I could just try to hold tight to the rod and he would find it eventually too. I thought that Heavenly Father would show him the way or send someone that would show him the way. You know what I learned this week??? HEAVENLY FATHER ALREADY SENT KYLE THE HELP HE NEEDS!!! He sent Kyle his helpmeet, his partner,his companion and his friend to help him. Heavenly Father sent ME to help him and show him the way.
I was so caught up in holding myself back because I was afraid to get too far ahead of Kyle. I didn't want to feel like I had left him behind. I know now that it doesn't matter where we are on the ladder of life. We are all trying to climb this ladder that leads to exultation (We believe exultation is the ultimate goal of all Heavenly Father's children)and in the end we will all be there together, but right now, we CAN be on different levels. If I get to the point on the ladder where I am ready to go to the Temple before Kyle gets there, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong. It doesn't mean I abandoned him or left him behind. It doesn't mean that I cared more about myself than him. It doesn't mean that I am a better person that him. It only means that I am a faster learner. Nothing more than that.
(The Temple is where we go to make sacred convanents with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Every one recieves endowments, which are basically a deepening of eternal promise you made to Heavenly Father when you were baptised. When young men turn 19 they recieve their endowments in the temole before they prepare to serve a full time 2 year mission, females do the same at 21 if they are not already married. Couples who marry in the temple before they serve missions will go to the temple together. They will first take out individual endowments, then they will be sealed together for time and all eternity as husband and wife. If the couple already has children, the children come to the temple and are sealed to them too. Any children born after the temple ceromony are born into the convenant and therefor already sealed to their parents)
It has been such a huge relief after all the emotional turmoil has come to light in the last week for me to feel all these things again. I was convinced that I had lost sight of the spirit because of my depression, I felt like the depression had shut off the lights and that is why I felt like I was grappling around in the dark trying to find the rod again.(The rod is a Book of Mormon reference similar to the oil lamp in the dark of the bible) I realize now that depression didn't turn off the lights, I closed my eyes because I was depressed. Does that make sense?
I know that my Heavenly Father Loves me and that Jesus Christ is my Savior and he loved me so much that he paid the ultimate cost and gave His life for mine!!!! Isn't that AMAZING!!!! I know that this is the true church of Christ. I know that we have a living prophet on the Earth today. I know that the Book of Mormon is true and is in fact another testament of Jesus Christ. I know that one day Kyle and I will be able to go to the Temple together so that we can be sealed together with our children for time and all eternity. and you know what???? I CAN'T WAIT TO SPEND THE REST OF FOREVER WITH MY FAMILY!!!
I love you all so very much and I appreciate your support in my journey more than I ever could put into words and I am promising to try my best to pay it back 10 fold in service to others. I hope you have enjoyed hearing this story and that you love the article as much as I do!!
That really is an amazing talk. :) I don't know about you, but it is really much easier to agree with what is said than to actually put it into practice sometimes. I find myself needing to become better at my job in order to meet the standards that I have for myself and that I know Heavenly Father has for me. It's a daily necessity that we have to take one step at a time, but it is SO worth it. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is still, 3 1/2 years later, still my favorite conference talk EVER! I think maybe it is because it played such a large role in my conversion! It is just special! I may never find one that means more that this one to me!
ReplyDelete