Maybe they are on to something...or maybe not
A while ago I read a
news article about the Duggar family. If you aren't aware of this family, they
have a TLC show called "19 kids and counting". They are a very
religious family with 19 kids. While browsing, I came across a few articles
about "Michelle Duggar's tips for marital bliss". Most of which were
subtitled with "have a barf bag handy" and "Submissive wife,
happy life...unless you have self respect". While these titles,
typically, would have caused me to go into the articles already opposed to the
content, I decided to do a little research into what this family believes and
teaches their children. After all, I only have two kids and sometime the stress
gets between me and my husband. This man and wife have 19 children and they have been happily married for over
20 years.! Plus, all of their children seem to be outstanding and upstanding
citizens as well as Christians. So, while my husband and I will never have
"19 kids and counting", maybe these people are onto something in what
they believe and teach their children. Then again, maybe not.
Their daughters are
NEVER allowed to wear pants (not even to bed). Their children are taught
to not even KISS a member of the opposite sex until their wedding day. They are
also taught that the boys should learn for a career and the woman should learn
to be wives and mothers. In addition, they are taught that birth control is
unacceptable and they should have as many children as God blesses them
with.
If you really think
about it, are those things really that bad? Is there anything wrong with
young women being taught to dress modestly? Is there anything wrong with young
people being taught not to give pieces of themselves, either big or small, to
other people who have no meaning? Is it wrong that their children are taught
that the men should be prepared to support a family and the woman should be
prepared to raise one? Is it wrong that those children are being taught that
the commandment to "Be fruitful and multiply" is still in full force?
That life is sacred?
One the surface, all
of these things look innocent and morally correct. Under the surface is a whole
other story. I did some research into
the church that the family attends and was astonished at some of the things I
found. I would rather not name the church as it isn't my place to judge the
church as a whole based on what I found on the internet. I chose to examine
more closely the things I found on-line that I could confirm on the family
website or the television show. From my point of view, this church lives as if
the woman's rights movement never happened. These woman are treated like and
supposed to act like property of their husbands. Their whole lives are meant to
serve and up lift him while making him look good to other people.
Earlier I mentioned
that the women of this church are not permitted to wear pants at any time, day
or night. They are to dress modestly ( covering their legs, down to their
ankles, never showing any chest or shoulders, as well as covering their
stomachs), as well as, once married, to the taste and styling of their
husbands. If they buy an outfit and their husband doesn’t like it, they are to
never wear it again or return it. The same is true about hair cuts, styles and
colors. They are taught to wear their hair in a way that is pleasing to their
husbands and if he doesn't like a new look, they are to try to return it to as
close as it was before, the way he preferred it. Same is true for make-up and
jewelry. Their husbands basically are their stylists, whether they like it or
not. Wearing a skirt isn't just about
covering their legs though. It is a literal way of showing that the husband
"wears the pants" in the family. While, as a Christian woman, I believe
that the man is the head of the household, my husband and I make 99% of our
decisions mutually. Neither of us would ever make a major decision without
consulting the other first but that is out of mutual respect and not some
notion that he is better than I am and I need his permission to do
anything. I also would NEVER take his
opinion on an outfit. He has horrible taste!
They teach their
children that aren't even to kiss a member of the opposite sex until their
wedding day. Both parents kept this promise until they were married. While, I have no issue in saving your
virginity until marriage, I think that saving kisses is a bit intense. Isn't part of falling in love "seeing
fireworks" the first time you kiss? What happens when you think you are in
love and then on your wedding day, you
share your first kiss and it is horrible?
You just deal with it forever? I would not be willing to do that. This rule is also intended more for woman
than men. It stops them from doing
something before marriage that could make them look like a less than
"perfect" wife or "embarrass" their future husbands because
he wasn't their first everything. If a
girl kisses another boy before her marriage she is required to confess it to
her pastor as well as her future husband. It is supposed to be shameful and
embarrassing for her. She has to seek
forgiveness from her future husband for it.
Where as, if it is the boy who kisses someone before his future wife on
their wedding day, he is supposed to confess to the pastor and pray for
forgiveness but is under no obligation to tell his future wife about it. What a
double standard that is.
I also think the
total banning of birth control is a bit extreme. Member can be excommunicated
from the church if they are found to be using birth control of any sort, for
any reason. What a personal decision to
have someone else make for you. This
teaching isn't "We believe conception between man and wife to be sacred
and shouldn't be prevented" it actually says "You can NEVER EVER use
birth control and caught doing so, we can and will kick you out of our
church". I think this is just
another tactic to keep their woman "in line" and "under
control". If they are busy carrying
children and raising them, that leaves little to no room for them to do
anything considered inappropriate for a wife.
While all of these
principals are all basically morally correct, in my opinion, they are used in
the wrong way. In my opinion, these
woman are treated with NO respect, by themselves and their husbands/future
husbands, and are brain washed from birth to believe that it is perfectly
okay. They are stripped of their
identities as individuals and turned into an extension of their husbands. They
are robbed of their futures. Who's to say that one of those girls wasn't
destined to cure cancer? Or be the first woman president? Or make some other
ground breaking discovery that would change the world forever? But they were
too busy being knocked up as often as possible and changing diapers to go to
school. Too afraid to work outside of the home because of the shame it will place on their
husband. How sad for these young girls, having a future like that to look
forward to.
**Friends and family** Regardless of you opinion on this post or the content there of, please keep all comments positive and constructive. All mean or negative comments will be deleted immediately and not responded to. If it becomes a continual problem, I will block you from being able to comment. As always, thanks for taking the time to read this! ~Stephanie
